What is required is not a lot words, but effectual ones.
Seneca (4 BC - 65 AD)
Letters from a Stoic

People are disturbed not by things but by the view they take of them.
Epictetus

Confidence, like art, never comes from having all the answers; it comes from being open to all the questions.
Diogenes Laertius

Life at its noblest leaves mere happiness far behind; and indeed cannot endure it. . . . Happiness is not the object of life: life has no object: it is an end in itself; and courage consists in the readiness to sacrifice happiness for an intenser quality of life.
George Bernard Shaw

Do you know what a soldier is, young man? He's the chap who makes it possible for civilized folk to despise war.
Allan Massie

The high sentiments always win in the end, the leaders who offer blood, toil, tears and sweat always get more out of their followers than those who offer safety and a good time. When it comes to the pinch, human beings are heroic.
George Orwell

The cruellest thing a man can do to a woman is to portray her as perfection.
D. H. Lawrence

Love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking together in the same direction.
Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it’s cracked up to be. That’s why people are so cynical about it. . . . It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don’t risk anything, you risk even more.
Erica Jong

The really efficient laborer will be found not to crowd his day with work, but will saunter to his task surrounded by a wide halo of ease and leisure.
Henry David Thoreau

After I'd hung out with the men for a few years, I was definitely of the opinion that when you're with the right woman you can do no wrong, and when you're with the wrong woman you can do nothing right.
Anonymous

IN QUOTATIONS

From the movie 'Rocky', starring Sylvester Stallone. Some advice from an older boxer to student boxer:

"When you are in a fight,
It’s not about how many punches you can give.
It’s about how many punches you can take
And still stand."

In a related note, one of Sir Elton John's most beautiful songs is titled, I’m Still Standing.
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We rob ourselves of life’s greatest need when we lock up our hearts and fail to heed the outstretched hand reaching to find a kindred spirit, whose heart and mind are lonely and longing to somehow share our joys and sorrows and to make us aware that life’s completeness and richness depends on the things we share with our loved ones and friends.

Helen Steiner Brown
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How to Distinguish between Helpful and Harmful Criticism

“If I were still happily married to my spouse, and I wanted to protect our children’s relationship with him or her, how would I handle the situation?”

This is one of five questions suggested as a method for determining the most constructive course to take in distinguishing between helpful and harmful criticism of an ex-spouse. This approach “finds a way to discuss it that minimizes the harm to their relationship with the other parent, and does not undermine their general respect and regard for that parent.”

From Divorce Poison by Dr. Richard A. Warshak - pg18
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Betty Friedan nails it.

After speaking and writing on this subject for over ten years to largely uncomprehending audiences, it is with real delight that I recently read in Betty Friedan's book, It Changed My Life:

"If I were a man, I would strenuously object to the assumption that women have any moral or spiritual superiority as a class. This is. . . female sexism. It is in fact, female chauvinism. . . ."

Yes, it certainly is female chauvinism, and it permeates our culture as deeply and as devastatingly as male chauvinism ever did. Ms. Friedan pointed out that "female chauvinism perverted -- and aborted -- the first wave of women's revolution in America."

She went on to say she hoped this would not interfere with the struggle in the present situation. I'm sorry, Betty, but it already is interfering, and it is interfering very severely!

The Other Side of the Coin, p.34
From Thoughts of Dr. Schenk On Sex and Gender by Roy Schenk, Ph.D. 
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Your children are part of YOU and they need to know that part! This is why giving up is not an option. NO parent should ever give up on a child, no matter what the circumstances!

The whole idea of parental alienation and parental alienation syndrome is becoming more and more documented and understood as a dynamic impacting divorce situations. You need to get a good attorney who understands PAS and can present that care effectively to the judge, backed up by a solid report of a clinical psychologist who not only knows about PAS, but can also determine if it is present in this situation.....and then present it to the judge.

There are TONS of cases in PAS which have been WON in court....there are lists of these cases documented on the Internet. The good news is that, if you keep at it.....keep sending those cards, calling, remembering special occasions, your child will one day come to an understanding that YOU are a good parent, and love him/her very much......Relationships can be repaired at even a later time.

I would strongly suggest that anyone being impacted by PAS get therapy for themselves.......A cynical attitude is not healthy (although common) in these situations.....It may help to know that there are others out there experiencing what you have experienced, and also ways to counteract PAS. Take a look at
www.treehousesolutions.org.

John Spiesman, Ed.D., LSW
(Dr. Spiesman welcomes questions and/or comments. Send them to webmaster@everyman.org)

Homepage

I Am Also the Enemy

In the struggle to preserve a sense of the sacredness of life, as in all ‘holy wars,’ identifying the enemy is a morally hazardous activity. Self-righteousness easily creeps into our judgement.

It is easy to condemn the owners of coffee plantations who exploit the Indians while we are enjoying our café au lait, or rant and rail against pollution as we continue to drive to the corner store. To guard against self-righteousness, the spiritual warrior must practice the discipline of perpetual repentance.

I must constantly remind myself that I am a part of the problem I am trying to solve. I am also the enemy against whom I must fight, I incarnate the evil I am called to battle against. The demons of greed, cruelty and fear must be fought within and without.

The heart that has become hardened and careless is both individual and corporate, both mine and my enemy’s. The prophetic outrage that sets the spiritual warrior in conflict with institutional incarnations of evil also sets him in conflict with his own greed and insensitivity.

A man who does not know how to wage a just battle, first with himself and then with others, has no values worth defending, no ideals worth aspiring to, no awareness of the disease of which he might be healed, and no mensch worships the status quo.

From Fire In the Belly: On Being a Man, by Sam Keen, Bantam Books, New York, NY, 1991, pp.166-7. Reprinted with permission from Issue #69 of Everyman: A Men’s Journal.
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I’ve been a single father for about ten years now. I fought for custody when my wife left (my son was 2 then) and, although that was a harrowing, bankrupting year, we have had a happy life since then, and he is now a lovely and well adjusted 12 year-old who lives with me but loves both his parents. To those going through the misery of divorce or custody battles, the depression and anger and fear can and will subside eventually. Be strong, be consistent. I think the courts are slowly listening more to fathers.

I only know about UK laws but am happy to be a listening ear to anyone who needs to unload. My story is in the FACT archives in the form of a Times article called ‘Who Cares Wins’. Good luck and best wishes to all fathers struggling to stay with their children.

A father addresses the above to participants in the ‘Discussion Lists’ section on the ‘Fathers Are Capable Too’ website at www.fact.on.ca. The website is one of the largest non-custodial parents' and children's rights organisations in Canada dealing with custody and access. FACT is an organisation of both men and women working to support children's rights to have a relationship with both parents. They are a not-for-profit non-custodial parents' and fathers' support and advocacy group.
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If you expect to find nothing within yourself but the repressed, abandoned, and shameful elements of your past or a haunted hunger, all you will find is emptiness and desperation.

If you do not bring the kind eye of creative expectation to your inner world, you will never find anything there.

The way you look at things is the most powerful force in shaping your life. In a vital sense, perception is reality.

Anam Cara, A Book of Celtic Wisdom by John O'Donohue, p 105.
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